When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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