I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
