Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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