He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
