this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
