so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
