I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
