i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
