i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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