i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
