I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
