Kiss
Puke
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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