I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
