I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
