thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
