There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize