We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
