wanna go halves on a baby?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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