i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
