and my herpes radar will keep us safe
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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