It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
