her vagine was all disorganized.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
