you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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