she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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