2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
