if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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