HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
