im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
