you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
