Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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