my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize