but the lizard people decide everything anyway
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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