Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
