I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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