Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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