paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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