I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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