as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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