Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
