I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
