Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
