what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
God, I missed his penis.
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