i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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