I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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