I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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