make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Naked Twister starts at high noon
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
