If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
