Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
