the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So many bounce houses so little time
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
