Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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