HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
