party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
