need another drink. this is the easiest way
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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