I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize