No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
