and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
