Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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