So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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