I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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