she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Is it because I queefed?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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