I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Hippo gnu deer
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
