I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i love accidental penises.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
