So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
