She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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