Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize