I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i think i have herpe
just one?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
A+ Viking dick
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