I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
