absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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