explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
