Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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