Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
