You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
