I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
