My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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