His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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