I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
