How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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