In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
