i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
