I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
