last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
