Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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