I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
