Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
