we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize