my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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