My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
