You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
