No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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