so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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