My hand turned me down
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
