Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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