So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
