BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
