you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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