Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
