i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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