Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
