I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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