My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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