We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
