Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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